Can you do it?
Last night after worked I walked to the train station and got to the platform five minutes early.
This is rare because I usually show up within one, maybe two minutes … I suppose in order to not waste time. So I got there and thought whether I should read a book I have with me, study Japanese, write something …
But no. It felt ridiculous to feel like this.
So I just sat there on the bench and did nothing.
I watched the light drops of rain fall through the neon lights. I listened to the bugs buzz (damn they’re early here in southern Japan), I listened to the piercing and obnoxious announcements on the intercoms of the train station, I looked at all the other people waiting for the train, all with hunched necks and bent elbows looking at their i-phones.
It was peaceful, it was ugly, it was just what it was.
Perhaps it’s the part of life we don’t like that makes us turn to other things.
After work I’m tired and hungry, and generally feel a bit overwhelmed from all the time spent doing something when I’d rather be doing something else. I’m wet from the rain. Those announcements from the train are unnecessarily annoying. Everyone else around me is glued to their technology. I can’t see the stars and moon because of blinking lights eveyrwhere.
“Why should I have to be here?” “Why should I have to deal with this?”, is what I may think.
So I tell everything to piss off by creating my own world, studying Japanese, reading, writing, etc.
I suppose that isn’t necessarily bad. I believe it’s indulging in the imaginations we’re blessed with. These kinds of escapes are incredibly beneficial, if not necessary for humans.
But the problem I have with all of this, is that it’s all the fricken time. I can’t allow one extra minute in that time transit without some kind of distraction. A lot of people now can be trusted 100% to be on their technology if they’re not 100% entertained.
And it’s not just the time, it’s the kind of time. Using our imaginations to explore worlds other than those we are currently in should free us. That kind of experience should be expanding from inside of us. And yet, most of the distractions we find are incredibly limiting, like video games, or completely irrelevant like celebrity magazines. I suppose we’re doing “something” by doing these things, but it looks more like tiny little maddening circles. It’s like trying to climb a mountain by spinning around on your head.
But I go too far …
I play video games sometimes, I like mindless puzzles, I read and watch trash sometimes …
but it’s just too much.
I suppose this is part of my reintroduction to the world after two weeks of stomach flu, where I really couldn’t do anything at all but sit on the couch and pray I didn’t have to spend more time on the toilet than I already did, sleep, and eat oatmeal, canned peaches, and yogurt. I got very quiet, and didn’t need much at all except peace.
Well, now I’m coming back, and after seeing the crazed world around me so obsessively involved in their tasks, I want to be less like that…
but the distractions are calling…
This blog is one of them. Actually it’s the end result of a long chain of distraction denying.
I am bored.
So maybe I should eat, but I’m not hungry. I really want a donut. I don’t know why, but I think it will make me happy. Maybe it’s from two weeks of not being able to eat anything fun. So I don’t eat the donut.
So maybe I should drink something. Coffee sounds like fun, but the stomach is still a little unsteady and can’t handle it.
Fine, I’ll eat some peaches, an innocent distraction.
I don’t feel like reading a book. The trash on TV isn’t interesting. I don’t have the energy to do anything crazy like a bike ride. The wife is sitting here doing her make up. I already checked my email and facebook.
It’s all a maddening circle of distractions, and to be honest, I just don’t know what to do with myself.
So I settled for the blog, because I like it, and maybe I can rationalize it as something “good”.
But maybe this rambling is little more than the two liners you can find on any of your friends facebook feeds.
There is something strange about this condition. We are all different, but because I feel this, anyone can feel it too. Under all these distractions we are really just here.
Did you know that?